Shoe on the track

I read an article the other day about Danica Patrick (you know race car driver extrodinare better known for her sexy swimsuit shots)  Anyway, she was leading, or at least in contention for winning a big race and some random fan in the stands threw his tennis shoe onto the track.  She hit it with her car and it totally messed up her car, her race (I think she came in last) and her over-all standings.  Reminded me of the poem "....for want of a nail....." Etc. Etc.

Anyway, I was just thinking about my lack of progress on this stated mission and contemplating throwing in the towel.  Thought perhaps I could attribute it to a flip flop in the hall or something.  And just about when I had reached the point with that being OK, Bob tells me about someone he ran into at school who said to tell me "hi"and that she loves my blog.

 Now, to be quite honest, no one has laid chocolate eclairs in my path or smeared frozen yogurt on my lips.  I've managed to derail my progress all by myself.  So with that said, I am recommitting to dusting myself off and start down the path again.  So continue your encouragement because I hear you and I do need it.  You are my pit crew! (and thank you very much Susan!)

Whine under the bridge

I quit drinking for 2 weeks and gained 3 pounds.  And the whole time, I kept wondering and whining "why am I doing this?" In hind sight, I'm glad I did it.  And today's post is going to be all about how good hind sight is.
Now, just to put concerns to rest, if there are any:  I do not have a drinking problem.  No one needs to send me "help"links or refer me to the nearest AA meetings.  The fact of the matter is, I enjoy a nice glass of wine and sometimes two.  And on rare occasions, I enjoy a cold beer.  But, in my quest to lose the freshman 15, I thought perhaps the extra 300-400 calories that I might injest in this pleasure would be worth bypassing for a period of time.
In principle, it was a good idea.  In practice, it really stunk!  And here's why:  I felt deprived.  Don't call me names, I've used them all myself.   Weak-willed.  Undisciplined.  Pathetic even.  But the fact of the matter is, I changed my own rules of the game.  When I started out I said I was going exercise moderation and discipline and not deprivation and diet.  So when I pulled the plug on one of my food pleasures, my psychic reacted like a spoiled child and gave me the green light to fill it in with other junk.  Sometimes it was cake and cookies and ice cream.  Other times it was just eating more than I really wanted or needed.
So where does that leave me?  It leaves me with a wine glass in my hand containing a lovely 6oz serving of red wine and a better attitude about passing on the cookies.

Voices in my head

Day 33
I can´t stop the voices in my head. Does anyone else have the same challenge?  For those of you who read my last blog post, you know I am practicing prohibition.  Yes, again (day 4 but who's counting).   But....these voices keep interrupting all my positive thoughts saying things like "Öh, one little glas of wine would be OK"..¨ and "Life's too short to not enjoy a glass of wine!"...and "You really deserve the treat, you've been so good today".  Anyway, you get the picture.  I'm sure you all have your own little voices to contend with.  Just feel free to fill in the blanks with your own personal vice (or pleasure as I like to think of it).  Chocolate....bread.....pasta.....cake!
The question for today is "How do you deal with those voices in your head?"  Seriously!!  Giving in to them is really not the option of choice.  Today at noon, as I write this,  I'm pretty strong.  Tonight at 8pm I will probably be hearing the entire chorus and they will be singing "Friends in low places".

Drastic times call for...

OK, 30 days and nothing really exciting to report. At this rate, t will take me one and a half years to lose the freshman 15.  That means I´m down like 1.5 pounds.  The good news is it could have gone the other way.  That´s what got me in this situation in the first place.  The scale just eased it way up a little at a time.  Do you know how to cook a frog.  You just put it in cool water in a pan on the stove.  It won´t jump out.  Turn the heat on and bring the water to a slow boil.  It doesn´t realize it´s happening until it´s too late.  Now, I can´t say I didn´t realize the extra pounds were coming on.  So that either makes me smarter than a frog because I noticed or dumber than a frog because I noticed and didn´t jump out.

At any rate, my trainer, who is also my daughter, challenged me to a ¨dry¨spell.  No alcoholic beverages for the next 6 weeks.  Being a competitor at heart and having watched too much Olympics, I took her up on it.  So, for a woman who truly loves her glass or red wine )or white, or vodka), this is a desperate step.  Let the 6 weeks of prohibition begin and let me approach it like a champion.....can I get a little flag waving and the Star Spangled Banner as I push my awareness up another notch,

Ps  Pay no attention to the weird punctuation.  I have my keyboard on Spanish and can´t seem to get it back to English.

The Secret

Day 25
Yesterday, I thought I found the secret.  Watch the Olympics until 11pm....read until midnight...and sleep until 9a.m.  Get up leisurely, drink coffee, eat breakfast around 10a.m. and then workout.  Follow the workout with 2 hours of shopping.  Eat grilled chicken and fruit and call it an awesome day. Leave out the pizza and beer   Reapeat.  Except it doesn´t work two days in a row.  Darn!    Such decadence kept me up until 2a.m. and Titan woke me up at 7a.m. to start my day.  So today begins a more normal day with oatmeal and blueberries at 8a.m. followed by a workout.  And just to be safe, I think I´ll pass on pizza and beer tonight.

Climbing out of the porta-potty

Day 23

The last 24 hours have been dismal.  Out of control!  Terrible no go rotten....For want of a nail the shoe was lost.....you get the picture.  I blame it all on giving away too much zucchini.  (Note the inability to accept personal responsibility creeping in).  One of my friends returned my gift of zucchini in the form of delicious zucchini bread.  That should not have been a challenge.  It was double wrapped and could have easily gone in the freezer.   This is the woman who was strong enough to pass on my own triple layer buttermilk chocolate cake for god's sake!!   But I must confess.  Most of it has gone into my mouth.  With glasses of milk or cups of coffee.  Thank goodness it was a small loaf.  So from feeling great Monday morning I had fallen into the porto-potty.
But......I am smiling as I write this.  Don't get me wrong, Breakfast was zucchini bread and coffee and 15 minutes ago I was still wallowing in the mire.  But I am smiling because two very special women in my life posted notes of encouragement.  I just read them.  It was just what I needed to help start wiping off the proverbial shit and climb out of the potty!!  Thanks Jen and Jess.  Love ya! 

Don't be deluded

Day 22
Yesterday we celebrated the July babies birthdays.  Big triple layer chocolate cake.  Dagney also made a surprise wedding cake (lemon curd...yummm) for Vicki and Janice.  So much cake....so little time.  I write this to be honest.  All the cake is gone save for one piece packed away in rubbermaid.  Now in truth, large pieces of it went out the door with foil wrapped around it.  But in larger truth, we ate alot of cake yesterday.  Among other things.  However, the bottom line is, it's Monday and I feel good.  Not just good, GREAT!  I had a little of both cakes.  They were delicious!  It was enough.  I don't want to be deluded into thinking that I have this all under control.  But at this moment, I'm ready to take on Monday.

Let them eat cake!!

For those of you who saw the picture of my baking spree on facebook and were concerned, I just wanted to assure you that I have made it through unscathed. Actually, there were two chocolate cakes and they both went in the freezer, as did most of the bread. Now I know that I said this blog was not going to be a record of what I eat. But, for the record, I have to tell you that the bread is my special whole wheat, high protein, high fiber bread and yes, it is yummy. It starts with quinoa and legumes (both cooked) and seasoned to taste and ends with  pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, sesame seeds and poppy seeds. In between are honey, olive oil, wheat flax and 3 kinds of flour. It freezers beautifully and you can pop a loaf in the oven to heat up and impress your friends.  So, my thought for today....don't give up doing what you enjoy (or eating what you enjoy!)  This is a life journey.  Just don't eat the whole darn cake.

Bacon....the total commitment

Day 17 underway So, a chicken and a pig were discussing what to make for breakfast (OK, come on play with me for a minute). The chicken says "It's obvious we should make eggs and bacon" However, the pig hesitated and begged for more time to consider other options. Frustrated, the chicken demanded an answer. After a moment the pig responded "Well, it's easy for you because you can just contribute. But, I have to be totally committed!" I thought about this scenario last night at Sweet Adelines when a fellow chorus member asked me how the Freshman 15 was going. I've opened myself up to observation. Am I just contributing or am I totally committed? I have a friend who collects pigs and I always thought it was funny. Today, I wish I had one sitting in my kitchen window as a reminder that this isn't a phase. It's a total commitment.

Yoda baby I need you

Day 15 My life mantra has always been "there is no try. Do or do not!" I owe it all to Yoda. It's how I raised my kids. It's what I tell my students. So....I have to ask myself, why am I not applying it to my own life. Point in chief: I woke up this morning thinking "how much longer do I have to do this?" And, ofcourse "this" is to eat healthy and to eat with awareness. It's like a re-dawning everyday. Why it continues to come as a surprise to me when I hear my own voice say "this is for the rest of your life" is beyond me. OK, fine, it is only Day 15 and so it's not a habit yet. But somewhere not to recessed in my mind is this prevailing thought that this is only a phase that will soon be over. Then, I can go back to my wanton ways. So, Yoda, turn up the volumne. I need to hear you say "This is your life. Do or do not."

Treating myself

Day 13 When I went to the grocery store today, I decided I desesrved a treat. I walked up and down the candy aisle, the cookie aisle, the potato chip aisle (you get the picture) and finally settled on: black forest cake, boston cream pie and peach cobbler. OK, so it was Yoplait Lite yogurt and I sound like a commercial. But, I just want to say that I came home feeling better about myself for making that decision. That's it for today. Small victories making a difference.

Where the #$* is my PMA

Day 12 I'm on my second cup of coffee and my positive mental attitude has not kicked in. Could be a variety of reasons but here's some of the symptoms: 1. Not eating for 2 weeks to lose 10 pounds sounds like a good idea 2. Jogging for 51 hours to lose 10 pounds sounds like a poor to fair idea but still an idea. 3. Eating a stack of banana granola pancakes smoothered in butter and syrup sounds like the best idea of all. So, once again, I'll remind myself that this is a journey. The scales say I'm down 1.5 pounds. That's good! I do feel better (see the positive self talk going on?) Perhaps I'll have a third cup of coffee and the pancake urge will subside. Then, I can go in and scramble a couple eggs with zucchini and tomatoes (oh and some feta cheese and salsa)....yes, yes!! I'm starting to smile...slowly....but it's coming.

Subtle differences

Day 10 Maybe I'm crazy, but I am already noticing subtle differences. I feel healthier which should not be surprising. But my sense of taste and smell are heightened. Now what's up with that? I ate a bite of homemade spaghetti sauce (and expected it to taste good) but it was amazing. The lime in my diet 7-Up just burst with flavor. So, one must ask "How are you going to put this new-found sense of taste to good use?" I'll become a professional wine taster. Perhaps I will finally understand what they are talking about when they claim the flavors just burst forth in your mouth....the slight tang of the oak, the essence of the grape. Well, you get the picture. Anyway, that probably won't happen, but right now, I am just being amazed by my palate and enjoying every bite.

Discipline is not a 4 letter word

Day 9

I've been focusing so much on awareness that I was totally caught off-guard when my daughter/trainer told me I needed to add discipline.  Makes perfect sense though.  You can be aware that you are eating all those chocolate chip cookies and still not have the discipline to say "STOP ALREADY!"  This probably applies to all of us, but I know I have been guilty of waiting for the perfect time to start eating healthy, with awareness and with discipline.  Well, fact is, today is the perfect time, whether you are on vacation, recovering from an illness/surgery, overcome by depression (you get the picture?)
 So my plan for today when I finally snuggle down in my bed is to have the satisfaction of knowing I was aware of what I ate and exercised discipline in the portion and the pour (yes, I have a bottle of wine chilling).

i am humbled

A dear friend told me today that she was inspired by reading my blog to start her own "awareness campaign". I was humbled. It was also good timing, because on Day 7, I was hearing that inner voice (you know the one that tells you "you look OK" and "mmmm warm chocolate chip cookies") and it was starting to block my awareness. So I made a commitment. I am in for 30 days on this daily blog. Could be Mr. Toads Wild Ride but I think we can handle that. A wise woman once told me you can do anything for 30 days. So today begins Day 8.

Overwhelmed by tomatoes

Day 6 I am overwhelmed by tomatoes. They are everywhere. My garden could rival Mary Mary quite contrary. I haven't seen a tomatoe diet (I haven't looked either) but if there was one, I am stocked up. And so, I am eating them...in salsa, fresh slices, in tomatoe sauce (soon to cover whole wheat spaghetti). Oh, and did I mention my zucchini? Same story. The thing is, it is pretty easy to eat healthy when you are surrounded by good things. That's my heightened awareness today. That and the fact that I have a bottle of wine chilling. Like I said, "good things!" PS: To those of you who were concerned, I did not faint from hunger today, but my stomach actually growled from hunger (not gas) That hasn't happened in a while.

Eat a Cucumber

Day 5 Got an email today describing all the benefits of a cucumber. Wow! If it only did 10% of everything that was promised, it would still be amazing. One of the things that was claimed was that it would help with your diet. Eat a cucumber a day to reduce hunger. I didn't think too much about it as I reminded myself (once again) that I am not on a diet. But, I thought about it again later when I saw another headline on "Ways to curb your hunger". I had to ask myself when the last time was that I was hungry. I mean really hungry. Not to the point of Scarlett in Gone With the Wind where I would drag myself into my garden and dig up a potato or something, but at least enough to go "gee, I'm hungry!!" Fact is, I couldn't remember. But I could think of several times even in the last few days that I was too full. What's the point? Well, it goes back to the awareness thing. Do I need to eat, or is it just time to eat? Day 5 was OK. I think on Day 6 I'll experience hunger.

I am not on a diet!

Day 4

I am not on a diet!  Thank God!  Because if I was, today would have been really hard.   I am on an awareness campaign (not to be confused with a political campaign where you know nothing they say is true).  Today when I went to school for a meeting our secretary had brought peanut butter chocolate chip bars.  Mmmmmm!  I love both peanut butter and chocolate chips and she is an outstanding baker.  Fortunately, I knew I was going to be writing this blog later today.  So, my awareness was heightened.  I did indeed taste them, but chose not to eat one.  If you're reading this, you may be saying "How does that help me?" (and a few other less kind things).

Here's my suggestion:  post your comments and/or thoughts on the blog and join me in heightened awareness.  Then you can sing "somebody..somebody..somebody's watching you" too (which by the way is from Footloose not Fame thank you very much Bob Velazquez).  Just a thought, and it is helping me, cause I only put awareness in bold 4 times.



Shakespeare and bananas

I have to admit that every time I see a "new and exciting" diet it catches my attention.   Then, I think about every reasonable (and unreasonable) weight loss plan I've tried and I come crashing back to reality.  Take Weight Watchers for instance.   I am a card carrying Lifetime member.  For any novice reading this, that means I achieved my goal weight and stayed at it for a certain amount of time.  That means it worked right?  Problem is, I knew it was nothing I could do for the rest of my life because of the banana.
When I was reaching my goal weight and counting points, one thing the leader stressed was how many points were in a banana.  (I know WW has gone through some changes, so no one has to tell me it doesn't work like that anymore.  The damage was done).    She only allowed herself 1/2 a banana when she ate them.  I couldn't get over that.  What do you do with the other half of the banana?  If you put it in the fridge, it turned brown and mushy and I could never just toss out 1/2 a banana.  If you save them and make banana bread...well, you get the point.  I think about that every time I eat a banana (and I had a whole one this morning for breakfast).
So, what I know is I have to do something that will work for me for the rest of my life.  That's where Shakespeare comes in.  "To thine own self be true!".  And some of what works for me is eating a whole banana or having an occasional glass of wine.    If I can do that, I can leave the warm zucchini bread on the counter and call Day 3 a success.

Moving to Alaska

Moving to Alaska

We watched the movie "The Big Miracle" last night about the three whales trapped in the ice in Barstow, Alaska.  True, it was all sappy and sad and the baby whale dies (oh, spoiler alert).  But, the thing that impressed me was this:  if you live in Barstow, Alaska, you have to eat 10,000 calories a day to combat the cold.  Now, that may not be totally factual.  It was a movie.   But it sounded pretty good to me.  If I lived in Barstow (and worked outside in the cold which is not such a bad option when it's 105 outside) I'd lose 15 pounds in about 3 days.  OK, not the thing I should be thinking about on Day 2 of 15at60. 
Truthfully, the only thing that snuck into my mouth today without merit was a little frozen yogurt.  I wish I could say it was bad, but I'm still smiling at how good it was. So, I will continue to read labels and watch my intake of calories (knowing that the braut I ate today at 280 calories would be nothing in Barstow) and carry on with my mission.

It's beginning

OMG!  I feel committed.  Every morsel that has gone into my mouth today has had the tune from Fame ringing in the background.  You know the one (think music) "somebody, somebody, somebody's watching you.....".    Ofcourse, there are dueling voices in my head.  The other one whispers "you don't have to write it down, no one will know." 
Well, the point is to be as transparent as possible.  Sorta like our government is with spending, right?  Just kidding!  Anyway, I am not going to list what I eat everyday on this blog...at least that is not the plan today.  But I am going ahead with the premise that somebody is watching what I eat.  And, right now that somebody is me.  The bigger purpose in my mind is to really confront those 15 pounds and find out why I've been fighting them for so many years....and hopefully win the war.
The epipheny for this blog came on my 5th lap which I was intervaling (is that a word?) with 1 minute on the rowing maching.  That was my big finale to my workout this morning.  So, yes, I'm working out.  Score one for day one!